During a blizzard.
Optional Style: A sea captain’s tall tale.
I was on patrol along Main Street just like I had done every night for the last two years. Prowling from alleyway to door step of the sleepy town of Morris. A blizzard had rolled in layering another six inches of snow on the streets. I had just finished my 10pm break at the diner. Mal was working that night. He spits in my burgers so I just had a coffee to keep my senses sharp. Most people in town don’t understand what it is I do. I can’t blame them. It isn’t every day in a town of 5000 people you run into a legend like The Human Landshark!
Anyway, I was outside the farm implement, having my post-break cigarette out of the frigid wind when a car skids onto main street from the south. I could tell these weren’t the run of the mill drunk college kids that I see far too often. No, this had the smell of something more sinister.
I pulled down my Shark Visor and went into action. The car screeched to a halt outside the Third National Bank and three men dressed in black hopped out and made for the door. I glided along the sidewalk towards them. They were about to taste the Landshark’s insatiable hunger for crime!
Now, I’ll admit, I may have needed a bit more training. And I don’t have what you would call classical super powers. My edge was always my Landshark Suit. Made out of carbon fiber and coated in 120 grit sand paper, my suit could probably stop a slashing strike from a knife. It also had stainless steel teeth and claws. The teeth were a bit hard to attack with in my combat simulation in my Shark Den, but they were mostly for back up. Real landsharks, burrow through the earth like normal sharks swim through water, but I ruled out doing that because the technology didn’t seem exist and the city counsel said even if it did, they wouldn’t allow it.
As I approached the bank, they turned to confront me. Apparently, a sandpaper coating with steel claws on my feet made going stealth unachievable. “Go away, freak!” they told me, but I was not swayed. These criminals were on the menu, the shark menu.
I approached and shoved perp 1. He tripped backward on a step and fell backward. Perp 2 came at me with a crowbar saying, “Ok, you asked for it.” I ducked as he swung and the crowbar hit my dorsal fin, destroying the wire mesh support structure. His hand must have scraped against my suit because he dropped the crowbar in a shout of pain.
Perp 3 didn’t seem to want any part of the fight and when perp 1 got up holding his back they both ran for the car. I stood up and tackled perp2, wrapping my arms around him. We both crashed hard to the ground and rolled around punching at each other. His get away car squealed off, leaving him behind.
We struggled against each other for at least a minute. Eventually, having a better grip on my suit from the outside than I did on the inside, he was able to twist the top half of the Landshark Suit completely around. I was effectively trapped in my own getup. I could hear his footsteps as he ran away.
An hour later a police patrol found me, uninjured but freezing and still trapped outside the bank. I explained what happened and he took me to the station. Turns out the next day they arrested the owner of the bank and two of his golf buddies. Someone noticed the owner had an abrasion on his hand and they match it to the blood he left on my suit. They were attempting to make it look like someone attempted to rob the place so they would qualify for a state grant for more security measures. They each got 1 year probation due to the fact they hadn’t actually carried out the plan.
I was charged with assault, but they dropped it down to fourth degree assault, which just got me 120 hours of community service. The judge did note though that being a super hero did not count as a community service unless I also picked up trash while on patrol. The Human Landshark now fights crime and litter.